SELF INSPECTION AND INTROSPECTION

Mindful movement is on the rise in wellness industries and go across multiple communities, the terms of “self-care”, “self-love”, “self-help” dominate social media and mainstream media outlets. Yet, we can’t seem to figure out the true meaning behind it all, the ball of stress still consuming us on a daily basis.

I’ve recently come across a podcast episode of my favorite biohacker, Ben Greenfield.  Instead of the usual optimal fitness approach, he was running self-inspection and introspection. The word “inspection” caught my ears.  Listening to how he put his personality test results (being a Perfectionist + Achiever) immersed in his recent life events together, it reminds me of my recent meltdown.

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Rabbit Hole

If you know me long enough, you wouldn’t be surprised to know that I have piles of topics, personal test results, and papers.  From psychic readings to quantum physics; church blessings to feng shui energy strategies; aura photos to personality tests; Ancestry DNA Tests to Genetic Pathways Analysis; notes of Ancient Philosophy to modern Neuroscience.
(No I don’t have the latest data or news of Kim Kardashian’s)

The partial fact is that I have Investigator, Challenger, Achiever personalities paired with Advocate, Reformer, In-Depth, Curious and Intuitive mind, all in combination with my single focus gene. It all sounds amazing and magical, but it can also be deadly dangerous if unable to be immersed in my daily life carefully. 

I naturally love to connect and listen to people’s stories as well as their painful issues which automatically turn on my Investigator and Problem Solver modes. Especially after my own journey.  Investigation and seeking solutions have become my hobbies; refusing to accept “Nay” for answers has become my habit, exploration into different hypothesis to fill the broken gaps has become a dominating force in my daily rituals.

The more questions I get, the more I get obsessed with fixing the issues. I ended up living in the swirl of the neverending “How To” land 24/7.

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The Real Kick In The Nuts

Nothing’s wrong with driving the life-achievement vehicle enthrallingly.  We just need to understand sometimes it goes from safe driving to speeding mercilessly without us really paying attention to the change in velocity.  It is possible to break down in the middle of a highway during the high speed.

Recently, half of the business deals have vanished, banking transactions getting stuck for almost a month, the documents that are supposed to send to Mr. Savvy still have yet to be done, projects pile up, autism evaluation of my boy’s being a bit of drama, our homes in Hong Kong and US just going to…... (ahm, shouldn’t be getting into politics here), and I woke up to the news of the death of a beloved one.

Margarita, my dear former employee who quickly became part of the family. 
The one who I received a message from literally 2 days prior to her death.
The one who I worked together to break the wall between employee and employer. 
The one who held her hands to volunteer without expecting any return during my difficult times. 
The one I’ve made promised to rehire again once my business grows and her kids start college years.
And now, she’s gone to continue her journey in a different dimension.

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Surrender

Margarita’s death was like a kick in the nuts from the universe, an alarming signal for surrender. A surrender without swinging a white flag, a surrender without giving up, but a surrender to admit my fuel was running dangerously on fumes.  

No matter how I was aware of my own physical wellness, conscious about each step that I took, every word I said.  I have balled up pressure mentally with dipping my toes in various places and fixing others’ problems at once for a long while.

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Unlearn and Relearn

It’s not an embarrassment to admit I’m on transitional journey, what’s embarrassing is standing next to the broken vehicle without knowing nor asking for help to fix it.

Dr. Mark Hyman has been through a health journey.
Jordan Peterson has battled with his own depression.
Emily Fletcher went through her own awakening.
And they all turned out amazing.

I started to sit back, take a real self introspection moment to review what I’ve missed.
Unlearn what I’ve outgrown.
Reduce the obligations that have been exploitative to my energy.
The most important thing was being honest to myself of what I truly desire and the outcome from it.

To relearn how to hear what I hear, see what I see, pull all senses together to pay attention on the present moment.
To relearn what mindfulness truly is.
To remove the ball of mental stress and regain clarity.

This transitional journey and remap the ways to achieve without forming a huge ball of stress isn’t easy.  When you feel that build up, make sure you take that time pull the vehicle over. Step out. Walk around in the fields, seeing the world as it is right now... not as it’s rushing past you while confined in a box barreling that highway.

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