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FORGIVENESS COMES FIRST, THEN COMES GRATITUDE

by Nicole Lui |

Gratitude, Mindfulness, Fulfilment have become buzz words in recent years, however, a part of us notice adding these into our rituals usually fail to work and end up bringing ourselves frustration overtimes.

Flight got canceled after several delays, back-to-back holiday season might not help either, packed with family and old friends could be joyful but also drain out your brain juice along with energy.  Attending family reunion can feel like a chore, avoiding family drama, questions relate to personal failure, hurtful events as old habits.  You'd rather place those topics and issues back in drawers and never pull them out again. 

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It's Easier Said Than Done

It's easy to assume the past events have been forgiven but the fact still lingers in the heart.  Your anger, disappointment, frustration fulfill the whole path, even block people from walking past it. 

Childhood trauma, victim of sexual assaults, being bullied, being cheated on and abused, misdiagnosed by top specialists in the field, huge financial falls are far more serious topics than filing divorce.  It's a dark shadow that goes with you and something that you wish to heal without talking about it.

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Understand Forgiveness

Forgiveness acts like a shovel to clear the bad, gunk, dirt, blocks on your path, when the universe, god, angels, higher power, the best version of you, whoever you name to bring you the good, it makes sure to deliver to your front door smoothly.

Before you start addressing the hurtful past or events, you should make sure you understand giving Forgiveness doesn't mean you agree with the event or the perpetrator.  It's a technique to help you set yourself free from burden, sadness, stress in order to allow more good things to come to your path, so you'll have more to be grateful for.

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Recognize the problem

When we practice gratitude, we have something to be thankful for.  It's the same as forgiveness.  Whether you hurt yourself or being hurt, be honest to yourself is the only strength for you to pick up that shovel.  Honesty is your best friend. Address the hurtful event, and how it makes you feel, it could be shameful, sad, guilty, angry.

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Shift It

Stop blaming the perpetrator or the situation.  If you are willing to let go, take a small step to switch roles, it is difficult but a small try out wouldn't hurt.  Your mind will lead you to consciousness with compassion, and see the cause with different perceptions.  Again, understanding the reasons behind it doesn't make it right nor agreeing with the perpetrator.

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Let Go

You recognize the issue, seeing the cause from different angles, it's time to let go piece by piece.  It is a skill to practice on a daily basis and start small is always the way to go. 

Let's say if the barista took too long to make your latte, you put yourself into his shoes and think, 'he might have a bad morning to start with'. Someone cut into the lane in a highway, you could probably guess the driver had the urge to go to the bathroom.  Would that be easier to ease the anger?  As we know, each of our measurements is different, however, starting from forgiving one small event a day can start helping you to clear the blocks on your path. 

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Side Effect Of Forgiveness

When it comes to scientific studies, studies have been done in most of the universities such as UC Berkeley, UCLA, even the world's renowned psychologist Marisa Peer.  Both experts and researchers have stated forgiveness, mindfulness, and removing blocks in your heart set to rest for the brain, help increases productivity and the ability to turn off the unfulfilling events daily and instead live in the present moment.  

Forgiveness also benefits physical and mental health, due to it reduces the tendency of anger and anxiety, it could possibly balance out the blood pressure and reduce other chronic diseases. 

Start your forgiveness, mindfulness practice along with gratitude today.  

 

Researches & Related Articles
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12671-015-0427-2 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16002228
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_science_of_forgiveness_an_annotated_bibliography

 

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