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by Nicole Lui |

Made it home after a long day, stripped “suit for success” off and to the floor, removed makeup, placed authority well on the rack, dumped the gunk and disagreements from the day to the crap pile as usual. That all probably comes from just being in auto-pilot mode.  The bare face framed with a pair of exhausted looking eyes staring back from the mirror seems recognizable yet unfamiliar.

The unfamiliarity is the arrogance of beliefs, the internal jail created by fear, ego, and self-defense. The fear of heartstrings being pulled, the ego of proving my perspective.  Ego does sound driven, its energy is like a veil of drugs, highly addictive, aggressive, contagious, and slowly leading to an identity crisis.

This is the journey we face each day. The push and pull of society. The obligations we’ve accumulated over the years. Awakening is the way to transform this feeling of our life into the craftsmanship of energy.


Internal Jail

The rewind of my identity healing journey started by text messages from an old friend asking what made me step outside of that comfort zone to entrepreneurship. This comes after he realized his career has neared an end, being programmed to meet certain expectations of others without accomplishing any of his own. Owning the robotic life for close to 40 years, finally taxing his soul out.

My transformation wasn’t an overnight success story nor as glamorous as it seems.  Urban society tends to mimic or chase recognition and materials that can be measured.  Humanity is indeed obsessed with numbers as they are tangible and the best symbol for metrics in business or school reports.  Bigger numbers bring more short term joy (except when it comes to waistlines).

On the other hand, things associated with fulfilling our soul and spirits sound mystical.  We gradually let our life events, emotions, past stories, surrounding vibes determine our behavior, choice for life, and health status.  From that moment my lost-soul-reflection stared back from the mirror, I’ve realized the internal self was screaming and ready to break the jail.

The Mind
“Finding Happiness”, “Life Purpose” and “Live My Truth” have been long living keywords on search engines. I was one of the millions contributed to the search.  I came across Cell Biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton and Neuroscientist Dr. Joe Dispenza. They’ve been doing life long research in emerging fields like epigenetics and quantum physics, which reveal our subconscious mind is being programmed during early childhood. We existed in the space of Theta brain wave (or also referred to as Hypnosis), which is the most receptive space for our subconscious mind.  We learned the way to live and manage the surroundings from parents.
Traditional education, being obedient to hierarchy, the concept of self-worth, being labeled, discouragement in risk-taking, as well as the robotic living are the most common programs that parents would set for children.  As we grow, these subconscious algorithms become an auto-pilot. The job of the subconscious mind is to play beliefs, traumas, betrayals, and old stories out in the circumstances of our lives. Forming our perceptions is what subconscious mind is designed to do. Who we think we are as a person, what we deserve, and however we think the world operates will be reflected back to us due to the actions and decisions that we make through the subconscious mind.
With this understanding, I surrendered to the internal jail by sitting on the ground and asked myself introspective questions.  It wasn’t the first time questioning myself, however, it was the first time I heard the answer from my heart in 30 years.
Recall Trauma Before Reprogram
I grew up in a clan with an exuberance of male entrepreneurs in all generations. The competitive vibe was unremitting, emphasized achievements are usual topics along with etiquette over the dining table are standard rituals.  While the gentlemen gathered for cigars, spirits, and men talk; the ladies were expressing themselves through the carats on their fingers. As a natural born intuitive analyst and harmony advocate, I often traveled between their presence studying through their conversations, analyzed their thought process, and quickly knew the truth behind their issues.  No surprise, my voice was powerless as it came from a 5-year-old girl. My choices were either staying in my lane while remaining silent or formally pitch my idea after queueing up behind 20 other cousins.
I chose to reach over to the higher power in the clan with my most innocent truth, though not long after, the only one who cultivated my natural gift and mattered the most to me passed away. Witnessing his beloved one lose her glow and manifested turning gray overnight, that imbued me that no one had the privilege to take tangible wealth to the grave and leaving heritage to be fought over. The toxic environment sealed my vision and emotion in the gates of my heart. Along with life events throughout the years, I slowly pursued my other so-called talents and hope it’d become a successful career. The seal has turned into an addictive ego to suppress my emotions, however, the suppressant couldn’t heal and I had to exit this career.

Live My Truth

Addressing the root issue with removing the seal to expose my naked self was a dreadful, slow, and painful process.   As sitting on the ground, I closed my watery eyes with each peel in one small breath. The frustration came with past images went through like shooting stars that were unable to be caught.  Without aborting the discomfort moment, I chose to stay grounded, the sound of Om vibrated within my body, followed by reducing stress levels with softer breathing rhythms.  

This stillness moment should be what yogis or meditators described “Simply acknowledge the thought and let go”.  The unremarkable inner peace defeated chronic physical and emotional pain while the brain remained in a neutral state, serotonin started replenishing and brainwaves slowed down into Theta state of mind.

As returned to the desk, I urged to question the inner self about the blazing desire, the light that has been sitting but unable to shine.  A unique intricate force led the heart to break open the seal, allowing the energy to flourish out all the way to fingertips. I began to type, the more I sunk into heart energy, the flowy the words were out and that resulted in a 14-page blueprint outlining the way to utilize one's own natural gift, knowledge combining skillset that aligns with personality and purpose.  

After wakening the true self and finding the purpose with this new discovery, I began noticing the ability to detach the old stories, motivated to place half the foot out of the comfort zone.  I progressively followed the blueprint with perseverance every day; climbing over obstacles with confidence on this uneasy road, becoming easier with each step taken. The more open my heart is, the more I feel aligned. The vivid reality seems to unfold perfectly.  

By rewinding this, I'm grateful for this roller-coaster awakening moment, guided me to a better place and where I met Mr.Savvy.  The antidote I could offer to this old friend was simple.  I picked up the phone and questioned what his burning desire was and who he truly was.  It might not be the anticipated outcome, but I had faith this would be the compass for him to start his awakening with.


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